Broken
by Shannon1991xo
Summary: I'm not as okay as I pretend to be...
1. one

**Note : I'm not really sure how I feel about this but I'll post it anyway!**

* * *

 _'We both know I could turn your perfect little world upside down, Carla... So why don't you quit ignoring me and everything will be just fine.'_

His words repeat over and over in her head as she stares down at her bruised wrist. How could she get things so wrong? How does she always manage to fuck things up? She's leaning against the bath, tears streaming down her cheeks at the sight of her beautiful engagement ring. This was supposed to be it, her happily ever after.

'Carla? Baby, what's wrong?' He asks from the other side of the bathroom door.

'You should go, Nick. I'm no good for you.' She sobs.

'And where have I heard that before, ey? Come on, open the door. Whatever has happened we can talk about it.' He says but gets no reply.

'Okay, don't let me in but talk to me Carla... Please?' He asks.

'You're going to hate me.' She almost whispers, her fingers gently running over her wrist.

'I don't think I could ever hate you.' He says sitting on the floor with his back against the door. He glances around the room in front of him, there's an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table along with a smashed glass.

'I cheated on you.' She admits.

'W-What? When?' He asks, the shock clear in his voice.

'New Year... I-I went to the casino. I gambled, again. I didn't mean for it to happen. He just turned up and I don't know but it happened.' She replies using a bath towel to wipe her eyes.

'Why are you telling me this now? We're getting married, Carla.' He says.

'Because I don't want our marriage to be based on lies, fuck I don't even know if you'll want to marry me anymore... I just don't want to lie anymore, you deserve so much better.' She admits.

'So this guy, who was he? Did you know him?' He asks.

'I don't think you want to know.' She replies.

'I'll take that as a yes then. Do I know him?' He asks, tears filling his own eyes as he stays leaning against the door.

'It was Robert.' She replies.

'What? Robert Preston, my chef?' He asks causing her to sigh.

'Told you that you'd hate me.' She replies.

'Can you open this door please?' He asks. She slowly crawls across the floor reaching up to unlock it before making her way back to the bath. He makes his way into the bathroom and instantly gasps at his fiancée's appearance. Her eyes are red from crying, she's clutching her bruised wrist in her other hand and there's some pills scattered next to her.

'Please tell me you've not taken any of them.' He says instantly kneeling down beside her and scooping the pills into his hand.

'I've not... Not yet, anyway.' She replies quietly.

'Please tell me you weren't planning to kill yourself because you cheated on me?' He asks.

'Without you I have nothing... What's the point in life.' She replies quietly.

'I am not letting you do this... What's happened? What's this?' He asks taking her bruised wrist into his hand.

'Who did this to you?' He asks.

'Nick, I can't do this... Please just shout, throw something. Please just stop being so fucking nice to me.' She says tears streaming down her cheeks.

'Come here.' He whispers pulling her into his arms. She breaks down at the unexpected contact and instantly begins sobbing into his shirt.

'I'm so sorry.' She sobs and he nods his head.

'I know you are, darling.' He says resting his chin on her head.


	2. two

'I thought you would've run a mile as soon as I fell asleep.' She mumbles as he gently runs his fingers through her hair.

'I wasn't leaving you like that... Anyway we need to talk.' He says causing her to sit up.

'I know you hate me so I'd rather not have this conversation.' She replies.

'Hey, I don't hate you... I'm hurt and I'm disappointed but I certainly don't hate you.' He says.

'Why didn't you just come talk to me instead of going gambling? You know I'm always here. Why do you keep pushing me away?' He asks.

'Because everyone kept telling me what I should do and how I should feel... I don't know why I did it.' She replies.

'Would you have actually taken those pills?' He asks.

'Yeah... The only reason I didn't was because I heard you coming in.' She says quietly.

'Oh, Carla... You should just have spoke to me.' He replies.

'What was I supposed to say? Oh by the way I had sex with your chef and now I want to die.' She says staring down at her hands.

'Maybe not like that no but I don't know. I just wish you had told me sooner.' He replies.

'What does it matter? Nothing would've changed. You would have left me then just like you'll leave me now.' She says causing him to sigh.

'Have I left yet?' He asks and she glances up at him.

'I'm not saying this will work. I'm not promising we'll still be together this time next year but I willing to give things a damn good try.' He says.

'Seriously? Why aren't you walking away?' She asks.

'I don't know. Maybe it's the brain damage but I love you. I know that you didn't go out looking to sleep with someone else and if you can promise me it was a one time thing that will never happen again then I promise to try and work through this.' He replies.

'It will never happen again.' She mumbles and he nods his head.

'Okay, we are calling the wedding off. We can't get married right now.' He says and she nods.

'And you're going to tell me who done this to you.' He adds gesturing to her wrist.

'It's nothing.' She almost whispers pulling her sleeve down to cover the bruising.

'Carla, there is no way you done this to yourself so tell me who done it.' He says gently running his fingers over the bruise.

'It was Robert.' She whispers.

'Are you fucking kidding me? What did he do?' Nick asks watching her bite her bottom lip as tears stream down her cheeks.

'Carla, please just tell me.' He says causing her to sigh.

'He threatened me. Told me he could turn my world upside down if I didn't stop ignoring him.' She replies.

'I'll kill him.' He says immediately going to stand up.

'Nick, no... Please don't leave me.' She cries clutching at the end of his shirt.

'Okay... Okay, I'm not going anywhere.' He says sitting back down.

'Why did things go so wrong?' She whispers.

'You hit the self destruct button, babe...' He says and she sighs.

'Why do you put up with me?' She asks glancing up as he gently wipes her tears away.

'Because I love you. Because I can't imagine my life without you. Because you are all I need to be happy.' He replies moving some hair out of her face.

'I'm so sorry.' She whispers.

'Come here.' He says putting his arms out and allowing her to rest her head against his chest.

'We're going to make this work. We're at least going to give it a bloody good try.' He adds, his arms wrapping around her as he places a kiss on the top of her head.

* * *

'Where are you going?' She mumbles sleepily as he drapes a cream blanket over her.

'Just to tidy up... I won't leave the flat, I promise.' He says smiling at her.

'Mmm... 'Kay.' She replies. He makes his way to the bathroom and begins to pick up some things including the tub of pills. Tears fill his eyes as he tips the remaining pills down the toilet. Closing the door he flushes the pills away and leans his head back against the bathroom door.

Just months ago they were so happy, planning their wedding, speaking about have a family and now? Now he has just stopped her from overdosing and found out she's slept with his chef. Surely things can't get any worse?


	3. three

'Carla... What are you doing, babe?' Nick asks as he makes his way out of the bedroom around 6am.

'I can't sleep. I feel like shit.' Carla admits leaning on the kitchen counter.

'What's up? You're not still feeling guilty, are you?' He asks causing her to shrug her shoulders.

'I just feel sick.' She replies smiling slightly as he wraps his arms around her waist from behind and rests his head on her shoulder.

'Come back to bed...' He says kissing her cheek.

'Mmm... I just need a glass of water.' She replies turning round in his arms.

'Woah babe... You look terrible.' He says moving one of his hands to gently touch her cheek.

'Thanks.' She mumbles causing him to smile.

'Go back to bed. I'll bring you in a glass of water and a hot water bottle.' He says as she gently rubs her stomach.

'I don't know what I did to deserve you.' She whispers.

'We're not going over this again, Carla.' He says kissing her forehead before going off to get the things for her. She makes her way into the bedroom and climbs back into bed, pulling the covers up over her.

'Here you go.' Nick says as he makes the way into the bedroom a couple of minutes later. He tucks the hot water bottle under the covers so it's resting on her stomach.

'You're amazing.' She whispers.

* * *

'Where are you going?' She asks wandering out of the bedroom clutching her hot water bottle to her stomach.

'Just going to see Robert. I won't be long.' He replies pulling his coat on.

'Nick, please don't.' She says glancing at the clock. It's a little after 12pm and she's just woke up again. There's a dull ache in the left side of her stomach and she feels ridiculously nauseous.

'Carla, I can't ignore the fact that he's hurt you. He slept with you when you were vulnerable, that pisses me off. But look at your wrist. He threatened you and clearly held your wrist tight enough to cause that bruising, that makes me want to kill him.' He replies opening the front door and leaving.

Quickly pulling on her jacket she ignores the fact that she's still in her pyjamas and leaves the house, pulling out her phone and sending a quick text to Michelle and Aiden.

 **To Michelle, Aiden :**

Meet me at Bistro please? Nick and Robert.

* * *

'Where is he?' Nick asks as he makes his way into the Bistro.

'Where's who? Nick what's going on?' Leanne asks taking in her ex-husband's appearance and instantly sensing the anger.

'Nick, don't...' Carla says as she enters the Bistro, ignoring that shooting pain across her stomach.

'Carla, leave it.' Nick replies as she grabs hold of his arm.

'What's going on here?' Leanne asks as the customers begin to stare over at the commotion.

'Where's Robert?' Nick asks as pulling his arm out of Carla's grasp causing her to grab onto the bar to steady herself.

'I'm right here, mate.' Robert replies making his way out of the kitchen.

'Don't mate me... Enjoy threatening women do you?' Nick asks stepping towards the chef.

'Don't know what you're talking about.' Robert replies smugly.

'She's told me all about what you done, Robert.' Nick says gesturing behind him at Carla who is clutching her stomach.

'Probably not everything.' Robert replies.

'She did actually. I trusted you. I thought you were my mate, I hired you to do the food for our wedding all while you knew that you had slept with my fiancée.' Nick says as Carla reaches for him.

'Nick...' She almost whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks as she leans on the bar.

'She knew as well, not like I forced her or anything was it? She didn't give a fuck about you that night when she was in bed with me... In fact if I remember right she had a fucking great time.' Robert says and Nick clenches his hand into a fist.

'You bastard!' He shouts as a bang behind him instantly causes the three of them to turn around. Immediately they see Carla on the ground, clutching her stomach as she stares groggily up at the ceiling.

'Steph, call an ambulance please. Andy, clear out the restaurant. Robert, get your stuff... You're fired.' Leanne says as Nick instantly kneels down next to his fiancée.


	4. four

**Note : So I know they apparently set a date in March for the wedding but in this story they set the date in June and this is end of April 2016.**

'Babe, what happened?' Nick asks as he rushes into the hospital room where Carla curled up on the bed.

'I'm okay.' She whispers glancing up at him.

'What happened? Have they told you what's wrong?' He asks sitting on the edge of the bed.

'Just anaemic.' She replies quietly.

'God I was so worried about you.' He says pushing some hair away from her eyes.

'I'm okay.' She repeats.

'Michelle, Aiden and Kate are out there... Do you want me to bring them in?' He asks.

'Yeah, okay... And could you go get me some water and chocolate?' She asks.

'Of course... I won't be long.' He replies. He leans down and kisses the top of her head before leaving the room. He makes his way back to the family room where he has spent the last half an hour waiting.

'She's okay. You can go through if you want. I'm just going to the shop.' Nick says leaning against the wall as Michelle jumps out off her seat.

'Where is she?' She asks pulling an equally worried Kate up with her.

'Room 12.' Nick replies watching the two girls rush out of the room.

'You okay, mate?' Aiden asks.

'Where did it all go wrong for us, Aiden? You know I can put on a front on for her, I can pretend that everything is going to be okay but every time I close my eyes I see her with him and it's killing me.' Nick admits.

'Let's take a walk... Carla will be fine with Kate and Chelle.' Aiden says.

* * *

'Oh god! We were so worried about you!' Michelle says as she instantly rushes over to Carla and wraps her arms around her.

'I'm okay. Well I'm not okay but yeah...' Carla replies.

'What happened?' Kate asks sitting on the edge of the bed.

'I don't know if Nick told you but I'm anaemic.' Carla replies.

'But that's not serious is it?' Kate asks.

'No... But I am pregnant.' Carla admits.

'Okay,.. Is that a bad thing?' Kate asks as Michelle sighs.

'Is it Robert's?' Michelle asks.

'No. It's definitely Nick's, I'm too far along for it to be Robert's.' Carla replies.

'So what's the problem then?' Michelle asks.

'I'm about 24 weeks they think... I've been drinking, Chelle. New Years Eve I got drunk enough to think sleeping with Robert was a good idea. What if I've damaged my baby? I'll never forgive myself.' Carla admits tears filling her eyes.

'Carla, stop panicking. Look at me. Have the doctors said anything?' Michelle asks grabbing hold of her best friend's hand.

'They let me hear the heartbeat. They're going to do a scan tomorrow so I've to stay in overnight to rest.' Carla replies and Michelle smiles.

'You heard the heartbeat? There you go then, if baby had a nice healthy heartbeat things should be fine... I'm surprised Nick left your side after that news.' Michelle says.

'I've not told him.' Carla admits.

'What? Carla you need to tell him. This isn't something you can keep from him.' Michelle says as Kate passes Carla a tissue.

'I don't plan on keeping it from him... I just want to make sure everything is okay first.' Carla replies wiping her eyes.

'Oh Carla... How do you always manage to get yourself into these situations.' Michelle whispers.

'You don't even have a bump... How is that possible?' Kate asks glancing down at Carla's still flat stomach.

* * *

'The thing is Nick, if you can't get over this and you don't think you can get passed this then you need to tell Carla now because staying with her is only giving her false hope. I know what she did was wrong, she knows what she did was wrong but you two can't drag this out if you don't see it working. You'll both end up getting hurt in the end.' Aiden says as Nick rests his head in his hands.

'I want it to work. I love her more than anything and I know she loves me. I know she didn't go out with the intention to cheat, it's just Carla hits the self destruct button every time something bad happens and this time Robert just happened to be there. I know she's sorry and I don't doubt for one minute that she regrets it but at the same time that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.' Nick replies.

'Maybe you two just need some time apart.' Aiden suggests.

'Maybe.' Nick whispers.


	5. five

**Note : I'm so sorry I've still not got an update for Home. I'm really struggling to write it!**

* * *

'Carla, we're ready for your scan now... We can wait a few minutes for Nick to get here if you'd like?' Caroline, the nurse who's been dealing with Carla, asks making her way into the hospital room with a clipboard and pulling the ultrasound machine behind her.

'No, he can't make it.' Carla replies and Caroline nods her head.

'Okay. Let's take a look at this baby then.' Caroline says smiling. She begins to set up the ultrasound machine and Carla rolls up her pyjama top that Nick went home to collect for her last night.

'So is this your first pregnancy?' Caroline asks turning the machine on and squirting some gel onto Carla's stomach.

'It's not. I had a miscarriage in June 2014.' Carla replies.

'Oh I'm so sorry... That must've been so difficult for you and Nick.' Caroline says and Carla shakes her head.

'The baby wasn't Nick's... We only got together last year.' Carla replies staring up at the celling as Caroline begins the scan.

'Oh well I am sorry... Now if you would like to have a look at the screen, there is your baby.' Caroline says turning the screen round to face her.

'Oh my gosh...' Carla mumbles covering her mouth with her hand, her engagement ring sparkling in the light.

'See that flickering? That's your baby's nice strong heartbeat.' Caroline says pointing to a flickering on the screen.

'Does everything look okay?' Carla asks smiling up at the screen.

'Everything looks perfect, Carla. I'd say you're just over 25 weeks so over half way there. We will do a more in depth scan later on but as far as I can see baby looks healthy.' Caroline replies hitting some buttons.

'I can't believe I didn't know.' Carla mumbles, a single tear streaming down her cheek.

'If you didn't have any symptoms then I can see why you didn't realise. You're still pretty tiny so it's not like you seem to have any noticeable weight gain.' Caroline replies tapping the screen and turning it off.

'I'll go get some pictures for you.' Caroline adds smiling at the brunette.

* * *

'I'm glad you're home but I think I'm going to sleep at my flat tonight.' Nick says as he watches Carla sit down on the sofa.

'I've arranged for Kate to stay the night.' He adds and she glances up at him.

'What? Why?' She asks, tears filling her eyes as she subconsciously places her hand on her stomach.

'I just think we need some space, babe... This won't be forever, just a few days. Time to clear our heads.' He explains.

'You promised we'd try.' She whispers biting her bottom lip.

'Carla, I-' He begins getting interrupted by a knock at the door.

'I'll get that.' He says placing his hand on her shoulder only for her to move away. He makes his way over to the front door and opens it to reveal Kate with an overnight bag.

'Hi, Kate... Thanks for staying tonight.' He says smiling at her.

'No problem... Where is she?' Kate asks and he gestures to the sofa

'I'm going to go.' He says making his way over to Carla. She glances up at him, a tear falling down her cheek as she turns away from him.

'I love you, Carla.' He whispers running his fingers through her hair. Turning he grabs his bag, thanks Kate once more and leave the flat.

'Hey, you.' Kate says making her way over to her big sister.

'I knew he'd leave eventually.' Carla replies as Kate sits down next to her.

'He's not leaving, Carla... I think the last few days have just been very overwhelming for him and he just needs a break. Why didn't you tell him about the baby, ey? Everything is okay, isn't it?' Kate asks grabbing hold of Carla's hand.

'I didn't get a chance. We just got back and he announced he wasn't staying here. The baby is fine, perfect even... I'm over 25 weeks.' Carla replies.

'I would say congratulations but somehow I don't think just now is the right time. Is there anything you need?' Kate asks.

'A hug would be good.' Carla replies.

'Come here you.' Kate says instantly pulling the older Connor into her arms. Carla instantly breaks down in tears, clinging onto Kate's t-shirt as she sobs.

'You're going to be okay... Nick loves you.' Kate whispers smiling as Carla's hand settles flat against her stomach.

'I hope so.' Carla mumbles.

* * *

'How is she?' Michelle asks as Kate lets her into the flat.

'Asleep, devastated...' Kate admits glancing over at the sofa where Carla is curled up, fast asleep with a blanket draped over her body.

'Did she say anything about the baby?' Michelle asks closing the door behind her.

'Everything is fine. She's a little over 25 weeks I think. This whole thing with Nick has just knocked her for six.' Kate replies and Michelle sighs.

'I think she had prepared herself for him to leave as soon as she told him.' Michelle says as Kate begins to make coffee.

'She totally blanked him when he left. She didn't even get to tell him she was pregnant.' Kate replies.

'So what has Nick said? Are they over?' Michelle asks leaning on the worktop.

'I don't know. He said he needs space.' Kate replies.

'Poor Carla." Michelle says quietly.


	6. six

**Sorry it's so short I just felt like this was the right place to end it.**

* * *

'So what's going on with you and Carla? Are you two over?' Aiden asks as he places a cup of coffee in front of Nick before sitting down on the sofa.

'I don't know. It broke my heart to leave her like that yesterday but I know we need some space and I know that she was okay with Kate... I tried phoning her this morning, she ignored me. I just wanted to see how she was.' Nick replies sighing.

'She's scared, Nick. In her head at the moment she's pretty sure she's fucked up the best thing she's ever had.' Aiden says.

'I've done the one thing I said I wouldn't, haven't I? I left her when she clearly needed me the most.' Nick says resting head in his hands.

'You're hurting, Nick. That's understandable, what Carla done was-' Aiden begins and Nick shakes his head.

'What Carla done was wrong yeah but she was self destructing Aiden, I've seen that before. I promised her we would try get through this.' Nick says.

'So what does this mean?' Aiden asks.

'I'm gonna get my shit together and fulfill my promise. I'm not going to let that bastard break us up. We have worked so fucking hard for this relationship.' Nick replies nodding his head.

'I'm not losing her. Not when I waited so fucking long to get her.' He adds.

* * *

'Kate, you need to phone someone.' Carla says as she emerges from the bathroom, her face pale as she keeps her hands pressed against her stomach.

'Who? What are you going on about, Carla?' Kate asks.

'Anyone with a car... I need to go to the hospital.' Carla replies groaning as she leans against the wall.

'Why? What's wrong?' Kate asks instantly grabbing her phone.

'I don't know but this is borderline unbearable.' Carla practically screams as another pain shoots across her abdomen.

'Okay... I'm phoning Chelle, sit down.' Kate says instantly ringing her cousin's number.

'I can't... Fuckity fuck fuck fuck...' Carla groans, her palms pressed flat against the wall.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

'Who is it?' Kate shouts as the phone goes through to Michelle's answer phone.

'Nick, let me in.' The voice replies.

'You need to tell him Carla... I can't get hold of Michelle.' Kate says and Carla groans in response. Rushing over to the door, Kate swings it open and let's both Aiden and Nick enter.

'What's going on? Carla, what's wrong?' Nick asks rushing over to his fiancée who is breathing heavily.

'We need to go to the hospital. She's pregnant. Nick. She tried to tell you yesterday but yeah. She's over 25 weeks.' Kate explains and Nick places his hand on Carla's back.

'Okay... I've got you, come on baby.' He says letting her wrap her arm around his shoulder.

'Oh god!' She groans, almost falling as the pain comes once again.

'Aiden? Help.' Nick says somehow managing to hold her up. Between him and Aiden they get her downstairs and into the car beginning the journey to the hospital.


	7. seven

'Can you go please?' Carla asks as she lies in the hospital bed, her hands resting on her stomach.

'What?' Nick asks glancing up from his phone to look at her.

'Thank you for bringing me, I really appreciate it but I'd like you to leave now.' She replies.

'No way. That's my baby as well.' He says, his eyes flickering down to her stomach where her thumb is rubbing gentle circles.

'You heard the doctor, she's fine.' She replies.

'I want to stay.' He says.

'And I want you to leave. Honestly Nick, this is killing me. I understand why you needed space so I'm giving you space... Leave.' She replies.

'I was coming round to ours to tell you how sorry I was for walking out, how I have already forgiven you and how much I love you... Because I do.' He says causing her to shake her head.

'I can't do this right now, Nick... I'm so tired, so fucking tired.' She replies.

'Okay... I'll be back later.' He says standing up. He places his hand on her stomach and leans over to kiss her forehead.

'She'll be okay, y'know?' He says smiling slightly as she moves her hand to cover his.

'I thought I was losing her today.' She admits.

'I know you did... Get some sleep, yeah?' He says moving some hair out of her face. He kisses the top of her head one last time before leaving the hospital room.

'How is she?' Kate asks leaning against the wall.

'She's shattered, scared... I think she could do with having you by her side right now.' Nick replies knowing just how close the two have become.

'Okay.' Kate says quietly. She hugs Nick before making her way into the room.

'How's the baby? Do they know what was wrong?' Aiden asks handing Nick a bottle of water.

'She was having contractions.' Nick replies.

'But it's too early?' Aiden says and Nick nods his head.

'They said it could've been caused by all the stress she's been under. She's been put on bed rest for the foreseeable.' Nick replies causing Aiden to sigh.

'Poor Carla, as if she's not been through enough already.' Aiden says and Nick leans back against the wall.

'She can't lose this baby, Aiden... Losing another would kill her.' Nick replies.

'Another?' Aiden asks.

'I'll tell you in the canteen.' Nick replies beginning to walk away from the room.

* * *

'Hey... How's baby?' Kate asks sitting down beside Carla's bed.

'She's okay.' Carla replies.

'She?' Kate asks and Carla nods her head.

'A little baby girl.' Carla replies.

'So how are you doing? When will you get to go home?' Kate asks.

'Tomorrow. They want to keep me in overnight just to keep an eye on the contractions and baby's heartbeat then tomorrow I'll be home and on bed rest.' Carla replies reaching to Kate's hand.

'I know this is a lot to ask...' Carla begins and Kate shakes her head.

'I'll stay with you if it's what you want.' Kate says.

'Thank you! I just don't really want to be on my own, not if I'm going to be stuck in bed all day everyday.' Carla admits.

'I understand. I'll stay, maybe even take some time off work.' Kate says causing Carla to smile.

'It'll be paid of course.' Carla replies.

'Of course.' Kate says smiling.

* * *

'I didn't realise she had been through so much.' Aiden says as he sits across from Nick in the canteen.

'She might look strong on the outside but that's all front, Aiden. She's not as strong as she likes to make out. Inside there is vulnerable little girl who just wants to be loved.' Nick replies.

'You know I always looked up to Carla when we were growing up. She always felt like an older sister, would you believe it?' Aiden says glancing down at his cup of tea.

'Have you heard from your dad?' Nick asks.

'Yep. He texts every so often, tries to get me to forgive him.' Aiden replies.

'You know if you want to forgive him you should... Carla doesn't want you to be unhappy.' Nick says.

'I can't forgive him, Nick... What he done was wrong on so many levels. The fact he lied to her for 40 years then asked her to lie to us.' Aiden replies.

'Do you know where he is?' Nick asks.

'Nope. Can we talk about something else? I'm sick of talking about him.' Aiden replies and Nick nods his head.

'So we're having a daughter.' He says causing Aiden to smile.

'Really? Congratulations.' Aiden replies patting Nick on the shoulder.

'Thanks... I can't believe that in 15 short weeks we'll have a baby. I don't want to be one of those part time dad's that only sees their kid on the weekends.' Nick says.

'You won't be. I thought you had forgiven Carla? That's why you went to her flat in the first place.' Aiden says and Nick nods his head.

'Seems she's not quite got over me walking out though. She asked me to leave earlier, said she understood why I needed space so she was giving me it.' Nick replies causing Aiden to sigh.

'Do you know what this is? This is classic Carla. She can't forgive herself for cheating on you Nick so she's going to push you away, she'll push and she'll push until you give up.' Aiden says and Nick shakes his head.

'I'm not losing her.' Nick replies.


	8. eight

'I hear congratulations are in order.' Roy says smiling as he follows Kate into Carla's bedroom where she is sitting up against the headboard.

'Thank you, Roy... Come on in, have a seat.' Carla replies smiling as the older man stands awkwardly at the bottom of the bed.

'I brought you some food, some meals you can just heat up when you need it. There's enough for Kate as well.' Roy says taking a seat on the chair by Carla's bed.

'Oh thank you... You shouldn't have, Roy.' Carla replies.

'I got you some magazines as well, I didn't know what you liked so Rita helped me pick them.' He says placing a pile on the bed as Kate crawls up to sit beside Carla.

'Thank you.' Carla replies smiling.

'So how are you and baby doing?' He asks and she shrugs her shoulders.

'Okay. The contractions have stopped so as long as she stays in there a little longer everything should be fine.' She replies smiling as Kate rests her head on Carla's shoulder.

'That's good. How are things with you and Nick? Michelle mentioned that things have been a bit rocky.' Roy asks reaching for the brunette's hand as tears fill her eyes.

'I don't know.' Carla admits and he gently squeezes her hand.

'He loves you, Carla. If there is even a chance that this relationship is worth saving then don't let him go... Even Hayley and I went through our rough patches.' Roy says and Carla smiles.

'I'm sure we'll be okay.' She whispers.

* * *

'That was nice of Roy to come see you.' Kate says smiling as she lies on her side facing Carla.

'Mmm... He's great, he's really be there for me these past few years.' Carla admits as Kate's phone vibrates.

'You going to answer that?' Carla asks watching Kate stare down at her phone.

'No. It's dad, he won't take the hint that I don't want to talk to him.' Kate replies and Carla sighs.

'Pass me the phone... I'll speak to him.' She says putting her hand out.

'A-Are you sure?' Kate asks and Carla nods her head. She takes the phone from Kate and hits the button to answer it.

'Hello.' She says holding the phone to her ear.

 _'Kate?'_ Johnny asks.

'Nope, this is Carla.' She replies.

 _'Oh Carla! How are you?'_ Johnny asks.

'I'm fine.' She replies bluntly.

 _'Good, where's Kate?'_ He asks.

'Right beside me. She doesn't want to talk to you, Johnny. She's not ready to talk to you.' She replies.

 _'Just give her the phone, Carla.'_ Johnny says.

'She wasn't even going to answer the phone to you Johnny.' Carla replies.

 _'Pass my daughter the phone, Carla.'_ He says and Carla smiles.

'Your daughter doesn't want to speak to you Johnny and that is no ones fault but your own.' She replies.

 _'Carla...'_ Johnny says.

'Bye Johnny.' She replies ending the call and placing the phone on the bed.

'Why did he have to do it, Carla? Why did he have to lie to us for all these years?' Kate asks sighing.

'I don't know, Kate. But I don't want you to be unhappy and if you really do want to forgive him I don't want to stand in your way. Personally I can't forgive him but I can be civil with him for your sake.' Carla replies moving some hair out of her younger sister's face as tears fill her eyes.

'This is so messed up.' Kate mumbles.

'I didn't want to hurt you or Aiden.' Carla says and Kate shakes her head.

'You didn't. You've been hurt by him just as much as we have.' Kate replies.

* * *

'Hey... How are you doing? Anymore contractions?' Nick asks sitting down on the edge of the bed.

'Hi, nope... I think I felt her moving though, it was really fucking strange.' Carla admits, a smile appearing on her face.

'Really? That's great... You know we really need to start shopping for her or else we'll have nothing.' He says and she nods her head.

'I know. Why don't you grab the laptop and we can do it now.' She replies sitting herself up a bit. He grabs the laptop and takes it over to her.

'I still can't quite believe this is happening.' She admits turning the laptop on and pulling up the Mothercare website.

'This is crazy... So crazy but so exciting.' He says and she nods her head.

'I'm so sorry I've been pushing you away... I'm just a bit overwhelmed and scared.' She replies.

'It's okay. I understand and I know I probably didn't help by walking out when you first got back from the hospital.' He says.

'This isn't your fault, Nick. I fucked up, I cheated, I pushed you away.' She replies and he reaches out to touch her cheek.

'I love you.' He says.

'I love you too.' She replies smiling.

* * *

'Where are you going?' Nick asks sleepily as he watches Carla climbing out of bed and making her way towards the bedroom door.

'Toilet.' She replies.

'Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?' He asks leaning up on his elbows.

'I'm perfect capable of going on my own, Nick. Plus I'd rather not have you standing over me while I pee.' She replies causing him to smile. She walks out of the room and he glances out the window at the moon which is softly lighting the room up. After baby shopping Nick made them dinner before they settled down to watch a film and they must've fallen asleep.

'Do you want me to leave?' He asks glancing up at her as she makes her way back into the room.

'Nope... You're not going anywhere.' She mumbles climbing back into bed. She curls her body against his and rests her leg across his thigh.

'I love you, Nicky Tilsley.' She whispers resting her head against his chest.

'I love you too.' He replies smiling.


	9. nine

**There is a few weeks time jump between this chapter and the last chapter,.**

On the 23rd of May 2016 at almost 29 weeks gestation, baby girl Tilsley was born via emergency caesarean section weighing a tiny 2lbs 1oz. The first few days for both baby girl and Carla were very touch and go. Carla lost a lot of blood and had two blood transfusions while baby girl was born not breathing and needed to be resuscitated. Now at two and a half weeks old baby girl, who still remains unnamed, is surprising the doctors each and every day with her progress. She was on a ventilator for the first 8 days of her life but has now been able to go onto cpap. Everyday she's getting that little bit stronger, everyday she's giving her parents that little bit more hope.

* * *

'Mrs Connor, your sister is outside.' A nurse says peeking her head around the door.

'Okay, thank you.' Carla replies smiling as she glances at her baby girl in the incubator.

'I'll go let her in then I'm going to get a coffee, do you want one?' Nick asks standing up.

'No, I'll get one later.' She replies quietly. Despite the night they spent together three weeks ago things between the couple still aren't quite right. Carla knows they need to have a proper talk but now isn't the time, they've got bigger priorities at the moment. She watches him leave the NICU before turning her attention back to the incubator.

'You're doing so well, baby girl... Just keep getting stronger and stronger because mummy can't lose you, not when I've already lost your daddy.' She whispers as the door creaks open and Kate peeks her head around the door.

'Hey...' Kate says smiling.

'Hi, come in. Sit down.' Carla replies patting the chair next to her.

'How are you doing?' Kate asks gently hugging her sister.

'I'm pretty sore and exhausted... But I'm okay, I guess.' Carla replies.

'And how is baby girl?' Kate asks.

'She's doing good. Did I tell you she's off the ventilator?' Carla asks and Kate shakes her head.

'She's on cpap now which means she's essentially doing all the work but the machine is just helping keep her lungs open in between breaths.' Carla explains and the youngest Connor nods her head.

'That good then, isn't it?' Kate asks.

'Yeah. It's brilliant. Means she's getting stronger everyday.' Carla replies smiling.

* * *

'Would mummy like to hold baby?' The nurse asks glancing at Carla from the other side of the incubator.

'R-Really? I can hold her?' Carla asks glancing from the nurse to Nick then back to the nurse.

'Yep. Dr Walker says she's strong enough for a cuddle.' The nurse replies causing Carla to smile.

'I'd love to hold her.' She almost whispers. Both Carla and Nick watch as the nurse carefully lifts their daughter into her arms while another helps move the wires. The nurse carefully carries her over to where Carla is sitting and smiles.

'I'm going to pop her in your top, is that okay?' The nurse asks and Carla nods her head. She unbuttons the top of her shirt and allows the nurse to place their daughter on her chest.

'There we go... She seems perfectly content.' The nurse says smiling as she drapes a blanket over the little girl. She shows Carla where to place her hands while the other nurse sorts the wires out.

'Hi, baby girl...' Carla whispers, tears streaming down her cheek as she stares down at the baby curled up against her chest for the first time.

'What about Esme?' Nick asks as he quickly snaps a picture on his phone,

'What?' Carla asks glancing up at him.

'What if we name her Esme? It means loved.' He says causing her to smile.

'Baby Esme Tilsley, I think that's perfect.' Carla replies quietly.


	10. ten

'Carla... Carla...' He shouts as he sees her leaning against the hospital wall.

'What do you want?' She asks turning to face him.

'I heard about the baby, are you okay?' He asks causing her to sigh.

'I'm fine.' She replies and he smiles.

'I was so worried about you and the baby... I know what I did was wrong, I know you hate me.' He says watching her shake her head.

'I don't hate you, Johnny... I'm hurt, I was really angry with you. In fact a couple of weeks ago I would've been quite happy if I never saw you again.' She replies.

'And now?' He asks.

'And now I have bigger things to worry about.' She admits.

'Are you going home?' He asks and she nods her head.

'Yeah. Nick says I should get some sleep and a decent meal.' She replies.

'Why don't you let me run you home? The quicker you get home the quicker you'll be able to get back here to your baby.' He suggests. She nods her head and follows him towards his car.

'I had a girl... A little girl called Esme Rose Tilsley.' She says climbing in the passenger side, gently placing her hand across her stomach.

'That's a lovely name... How is she doing?' He asks starting the car.

'She's doing okay. I got to hold her for the first time last night. She's getting stronger everyday.' She replies smiling slightly.

* * *

'Do you want me to come make you something to eat?' Johnny asks as he pulls up outside Victoria Court.

'No... I'm willing to try work through things, Johnny. But we need to take this slow. I am still hurt by what you done. I need time.' She replies and he nods his head.

'Okay. I am sorry you know.' He says.

'I know.' She replies.

'You phone me if you need anything, anything at all... Even if it's just running you to and from hospital. I want to help.' He says and she smiles.

'Thank you.' She replies quietly. She gets out the car and slowly makes her way into Victoria Court.

* * *

'Hi, baby girl... You're doing so well.' Nick says smiling as he reaches his hand in the incubator allowing Esme to grip onto his thumb.

'You need to get big and strong so mummy and daddy can take you home and spoil you rotten... I know I've not been on the best terms with mummy but I love her so much Esme. You and mummy are all I need and I'm going to make sure she knows that so just you keep on fighting.' He adds smiling.

The room is silent other than the beeping from the machines surrounding Esme and the other babies as Nick sits just staring at their beautiful baby girl. It seemed so surreal that he was a father, he had a daughter who would completely depend on him. A daughter that under a few weeks ago neither him or Carla knew existed. He was so scared when he got told their was a chance he could lose them both. Carla had made him promise that if it cane down to it he would save the baby over her but how was he supposed to do that? How was he supposed to agree to essentially letting the love of his life die.


	11. eleven

'Hi, sweetie.' Carla says smiling as she sits down next to Nick and slides her hand into the incubator.

'How has she been?' She asks glancing at Nick.

'Good, really good actually. The doctor has been round and he's really happy with the progress she is making. He says it is still going to be a long road but he's really pleased.' Nick replies.

'Do you want to go home and get some sleep? You look exhausted.' She asks.

'No, I'm okay. I know we've not exactly been on good terms, Car... But I do love you.' He replies reaching for her hand.

'Nick, can we not? I love you but honestly, I don't have the energy to be strong for her and try sort this mess we've got ourselves into out. Once she's out of here I'd really like to talk properly.' She says and he nods his head.

'Okay. But please don't push me away, Carla?' He says and she sighs.

'Can I have a cuddle?' She asks causing him to smile.

'Come here...' He says smiling. He wraps his arms around her as she leans against his chest.

'She's going to be okay, isn't she?' She asks quietly.

'Of course she is... She's a little fighter just like her mummy.' He replies.

* * *

'I told you that you would have kids.' Carla mumbles, her head resting on his shoulder.

'You did.' He replies.

'You know I'll always be here... Regardless of what happens with Esme, with us. I'll always been here. I'll be here to hold your hand whenever you want to cry.' He says watching a tear fall down her cheek.

'I don't know what I'd do without you.' She admits smiling as Esme grabs onto her finger.

'Do you know what I'd really like to do?' He asks.

'Once Esme is all better, once we're sorted because we will fix this... I'd like to get a little house with a harder away from Weatherfield.' He says and she smiles.

'There's nothing stopping us...' She replies.

* * *

'You're able to hold her?' Michelle asks smiling as she makes her way into the room.

'Yeah. Yesterday was the first time.' Carla replies as she smiles down at Esme who is curled up underneath her shirt.

'That's amazing. Nick's just popped down to the canteen, by the way.' Michelle says sitting down on the spare chair next to Carla.

'Okay...' She replies quietly.

'How are you both doing? This little one is clearly doing a lot better.' Michelle says and Carla nods her head.

'She is. So much better, Chelle. The doctors say it will still be a long road to recovery but she's making progress.' Carla replies.

'And you?' Michelle asks.

'I'm still alive.' Carla replies.

'Come on, Carla... This is me? How are you?' Michelle asks.

'I'm sore, really fucking sore... I'm exhausted despite the fact I had a good two hour sleep. I'm scared.' Carla replies whispering the last part.

'You don't need to be scared, love...' Michelle says placing her hand on Carla's shoulder.

'I can't lose her, Chelle... Not now.' Carla replies, tears streaming down her cheeks.

'She's a fighter. She's going to get through this. She's already doing so well considering what happened when she was born.' Michelle says and Carla sighs.

'But things can go wrong so quickly... Do you know how many babies in here have been doing well then passed away since we've been here? 4, Chelle... Four tiny little babies who are just like Esme.' Carla replies.

'You need to stop stressing out over this. Okay, things can go wrong but if you keep worrying like this you're going to make yourself ill and if you're ill then you're no good to Esme.' Michelle says and Carla nods her head.

'Okay...' Carla whispers nodding her head. Looking down at Esme she smiles as Michelle gently dabs at her face with a tissue.

'If you need to talk you know where I am, Carla... I'm always just a phone call away.' Michelle says


	12. twelve

**Six weeks later.**

'Can you believe we get to take her home today?' Carla asks as she watches Nick carefully place Esme in her carseat.

'It's crazy... She's still so little.' He replied smiling at her as he straps Esme in.

'But she's so much bigger than she was when she was born.' She says passing him a pale pink blanket.

'I guess... Do you know what I'm looking forward to? Sitting on the sofa, watching some random TV programme and just cuddle her.' He replies and she nods her head.

'Yeah. The night feeds for me... I can't wait to sit on that rocking chair at 3am just rocking her back to sleep.' She admits causing him to smile.

'Are we all ready to go then?' He asks and she nods her head.

'I think so.' She replies quietly. He picks Esme's carseat up and rests it in the crook of his elbow.

'Let's go home, baby girl.' He whispers smiling.

* * *

'Welcome home, Esme...' Carla says smiling as they make their way into her flat.

'What do we do now?' Nick asks placing the carseat on the floor in front of the sofa.

'We parent, I suppose.' She replies quietly.

'Do you want a cuppa?' He asks and she nods her head.

'Please.' She replies smiling. She leans down and lifts Esme into her arms.

'Shall we go see your room, darling?' She asks keeping Esme curled up against her chest. She makes the short walk to the nursery that Aiden had decorated while Esme was still in hospital.

'Isn't this pretty... Uncle Aiden done this all for you. Aren't you a lucky little girl?' She says quietly glancing around the room. The walls are pale pink and the furniture a nice bright white. Framed pictures of Carla and Nick fill the walls although with the few scan photos they had.

'Mummy's been looking forward to this.' She says smiling as she sits down on the rocking chair.

'We're going to be just fine, Esme...' She whispers placing a loving kiss on her baby girl's head.

* * *

'I hear congratulations are in order.' A voice says and Carla turns.

'Stay away from me Robert.' She replies, her hands tightly gripping the handle of the pram. It's been a little over a week since Esme got released from hospital and this is their first trip outside.

'I'm not going to hurt you...' He says holding his hands up.

'I just want to apologise.' He adds and she shakes her head.

'Well I don't want to hear it.' She replies turning away from him. She begins the walk towards the factory, not even stopping to glance back at the man she had a one night stand with.

'Mummy didn't think this through, did she?' Carla mumbles as she reaches the bottom of the steps at Underworld.

'Need a hand?' A voice asks and she turns around coming face to face with Leanne.

'Ummm... Sure.' Carla replies quietly. She smiles slightly as Leanne helps her lift the pram up the steps.

'I'm sorry I've been such a bitch to you in the past. I was jealous.' Leanne admits and Carla raises her eyebrows at the blonde.

'Jealous? Of me? Why? My life is a train wreck, Leanne. You've got nothing to be jealous of.' Carla says causing Leanne to sigh.

'Because you've always as everything I've ever wanted. Peter picked you over me, time and time again. You had Nick and you both seemed so happy, he seemed so much happier than I ever made him.' Leanne replies.

'Well I fucked that one up didn't I?' Carla says and Leanne shakes her head.

'He loves you, Carla... I've seen the way he looks at you, you are his world.' Leanne replies placing her hand on Carla's shoulder.

'Don't give up on your relationship just yet.' Leanne adds, gently squeezing Carla's shoulder before walking off.

* * *

'Only me...' Carla shouts as she makes her way into the factory pushing the pram.

'Mrs Connor!' Sean squeals instantly jumping up out his chair.

'Did you bring the baby?' Beth asks.

'Nope, I just like to push around an empty pram.' Carla replies smiling.

'Can I?' Sean asks gesturing to the pram.

'Course.' Carla replies smiling. She pushes the canopy of the pram down giving him a better view and smiles as he instantly covers his mouth with his hand.

'She's so little.' He mumbles and Carla nods her head.

'She's a lot bigger than she was a couple of weeks ago.' Carla admits.

'Have you picked a name for her?' Sinead asks as the majority of the staff crowd round the pram.

'Esme... Esme Rose Tilsley.' Carla replies.

'Is she a good baby?' Fiz asks.

'Pretty much... I means she wakes every two to three hours during the night but I don't mind. Just glad to have her home.' Carla admits.

* * *

It's a little after 3:30am and she's rocking back and forth in the rocking chair. Esme is fast asleep curled up against her chest, a large purple blanket covering the both of them as she gently touches her baby girl's cheek.

So many times she was told to prepare herself for the worst. So many times she was told they didn't have that much hope that Esme would pull through. So many times she wasn't sure she could do this without Nick. So many times so wanted to get back with him just so Esme didn't come from a broken home... But here they are, Esme is home and doing perfectly and Carla is coping on her own. Nick is around, they see him all the time but Carla is the primary carer for Esme, their little miracle baby.

 _Such a big miracle in such a little girl._


End file.
